Pick Your Poison

The following is a fictional exchange based on recent conversations I’ve had with a few people.

I think everything happens for a reason.

- I think you’re an adult and don’t need to play pretend anymore.

What does that mean?

- It means stop pretending that the shit that just happened was for some greater good in order to make yourself feel better about it.

I suppose I should just go get drunk instead, like you do.

- At least booze is real.

Well I think my way is better.

- In what way?

It doesn’t cost nothing

- Anything


- It doesn’t cost anything, but actually it does, just not money.

What’s it costing me?

- Your sanity, for one.


- Seriously, you’re making crazy talk. What’s working the strings behind this great reason?

What’s that matter?

- Fucking everything, that’s what!

Look, things just happen sometimes and we have to believe there’s a reason for them.

- Why?

Because otherwise there’s no reason for them.

- ????

If there wasn’t some good that came out of this, then what’s the point?

- There is no point.

Then why would it happen?

- Because shit happens. Drink?

No, and you’ve had enough.

- No, YOU’VE had enough, I require more. I am larger than you.

I don’t like you drinking so much.

- Well I don’t like you deluding yourself so much, so we’re even.

I’m not poisoning myself like you.

- You’re poisoning your mind.

You’re killing your liver.

- They can transplant livers. Not minds, unfortunately.

Why do we have to argue?

- Perhaps it’s for some greater good.

A frequenter posted this link recently about a study that shows religious belief is motivated by anxiety, so I guess it takes the edge off. That’s pretty much what I’ve been saying for some time, that religious belief is simply an indulgence like drugs and alcohol. Everyone seems to need something, and I suppose some things are better than others. It would be great to be able to work out or do something comparable as an indulgent relief. Oh well.

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17 Responses to “Pick Your Poison”

  1. Yes. Excellent.

    The best that someone can say about religious belief is that it feels good. It's why even we atheists don't have a problem on an individual basis with people holding unsupportable beliefs, as long as they don't act on them in a way that affects others, or try to make me believe them, or, worse, make the government ram them down everyone's throat. If it make you feel good to talk to Jesus in your head, fine. If it makes you feel good to have a drink after a long day at work, fine. Just don't operate a vehicle or enact legislation while under the influence of either religion or alcohol.

  2. You didn't include the reason guy's corollary:

    I think everything happens for a reason.
    - I think you're an adult and don't need to play pretend any more.
    So you're saying that nothing ever happens for a reason?

  3. They happen for a host of reasons, none of which involve some greater good designed just for you. Drink?

  4. Well, it they're not designed for me, then who are they designed for?
    I'll take a Bud Lite, thanks. Do you have any Cheez Whiz and Saltines to help wash it down?

  5. There is a reason why I don't stock any of those things, and it has nothing to do with you, although people like you are the reason why they continue to exist, and thus, I drink.

  6. Everything happens for a reason.

    That idea is one of my pet peeves. It annoys me to no end when people who are otherwise sensible about reason, science, history, religion, etc., hold that belief and see no inconsistency in their thinking. It makes me want to start drinking with you and Larry. Do you have any Smithwick's around?

  7. Actually no, I don't drink it much in the summer. I find Stella Artois to be a nice summer brew.

  8. Drinking kills all the aerobic digestive coloforms in the gut (sesame seeds, partially eaten chips, and popcorn kernels have unfortunately found their way into the drunken snack foods these days) and it osmotically removes moisture from the bowels. Drinking booze just hardly seems worth it from a digestive standpoint.

  9. Everything happens because of conservation of momentum and energy and due to the conserved symmetries inherent in nature. Aside from those intrinsic limitations of nature, however, chaos and probability determines how the rest of everything else occurs. The reason why bad stuff happens is because the odds aren't always in your favor and because, more often then not, things don't constructively align themselves with your will. The key to success is to have the realization and know how to play you hands right when opportunities do arise (and to know how to stack the deck so that you win more often, i.e. you've got to make your own plans in life).

  10. In a lot of ways, religious belief is like masturbation. It may feel good, but if you insist that you actually have a relationship with a twenty year old Lauren Bacall, there is something wrong with you.

    In the case of getting drunk, I don't think anyone still thinks he "could kick Tyson's ass" the next morning.

  11. Having sex can dangerously raise your heart rate, so it hardly seems worth it from a cardiac standpoint.

  12. It's not like masturbation, because most people don't make a show of their masturbating, and thankfully you don't get any of it on you. You can't say the same about religion. They want to coat everything with it. No, religion is more like being Gallagher. Religion is a sledge-o-matic.

  13. It's a good thing I put down my tea before I read your vivid comment.

  14. Funny, I never thought of anyone perusing my site over a spot of tea.

  15. Sex is good from a cardiac standpoint, but it doesn't necessarily replace excercise though.

  16. Awesome submit which has obtained me considering in regards to the prospective of the idea. Genuinely truly wonderful.

  17. That idea is one of my pet peeves. It annoys me to no end when people who

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