Sometimes the religious are so ridiculously delusional that their antics top some of our best attempts to imagine what they could possibly do. Case in point, getting freaked out over pink Ouija boards. Yes, we’re used to them getting bent over virtually everything being satanic or as the Waterboy’s mom would put it, “the Devil”, and certainly we’ve been hearing them bitch about Ouija boards before, but now Hasbro, the maker of Ouija boards, has gone and made pretty pink versions of the old game, apparently in an attempt to lure 8 year old girls to hell. Just let the panicked and certifiably insane ramblings of Stephan Phelan, communications director for some extremist Christian group, wash over you…
“All Christians should know, well everyone should, that it’s opening up a person to attack, spiritually… the Ouija board is actually is a portal to talk to spirits and it’s hard to get people to understand that until they actually do it. I don’t pretend to know how it works, but it actually does.”
He doesn’t pretend to know how it works, only that it actually does. How charming. Now imagine if Mr. Phelan and the rest of his twisted panties gang found out that this pink version has been out for at least a year now. Imagine how many little girls might have been spiritually attacked! Where have our heroes been all this time? What a bunch of slackers. I mean, if you REALLY cared, I think you should be on guard for all these potential threats to children’s spirits. Of course one would have to wonder where the fuck they were as priests were ACTUALLY attacking children, but I suppose raping and sodomizing children either doesn’t hurt them spiritually or if it does, nowhere near the extent playing with a pink Ouija board would.
Personally, I find it much more upsetting that things like this are made pink and marketed to young girls, because they can cause far more harm and represent a far worse and actual attack upon them. Their ability to think critically and act rationally are at risk if it’s not explained to them that it’s all pretend.