Pretty In Pink

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Sometimes the religious are so ridiculously delusional that their antics top some of our best attempts to imagine what they could possibly do. Case in point, getting freaked out over pink Ouija boards. Yes, we’re used to them getting bent over virtually everything being satanic or as the Waterboy’s mom would put it, “the Devil”, and certainly we’ve been hearing them bitch about Ouija boards before, but now Hasbro, the maker of Ouija boards, has gone and made pretty pink versions of the old game, apparently in an attempt to lure 8 year old girls to hell. Just let the panicked and certifiably insane ramblings of Stephan Phelan, communications director for some extremist Christian group, wash over you…

“All Christians should know, well everyone should, that it’s opening up a person to attack, spiritually… the Ouija board is actually is a portal to talk to spirits and it’s hard to get people to understand that until they actually do it. I don’t pretend to know how it works, but it actually does.”

He doesn’t pretend to know how it works, only that it actually does. How charming. Now imagine if Mr. Phelan and the rest of his twisted panties gang found out that this pink version has been out for at least a year now. Imagine how many little girls might have been spiritually attacked! Where have our heroes been all this time? What a bunch of slackers. I mean, if you REALLY cared, I think you should be on guard for all these potential threats to children’s spirits. Of course one would have to wonder where the fuck they were as priests were ACTUALLY attacking children, but I suppose raping and sodomizing children either doesn’t hurt them spiritually or if it does, nowhere near the extent playing with a pink Ouija board would.

Personally, I find it much more upsetting that things like this are made pink and marketed to young girls, because they can cause far more harm and represent a far worse and actual attack upon them. Their ability to think critically and act rationally are at risk if it’s not explained to them that it’s all pretend.
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(Yes, it’s a pink Christian bible)

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16 Responses to “Pretty In Pink”

  1. I remember lots of hoopla over Ouija boards when I was a kid. Satanism and demon possession were big in the 70s, thanks to Linda Blair and The Exorcist</>. If religion is so good for people, why are so many religiobots so afraid of everything that doesn't have a Jesus stamp on it? It makes one wonder how powerful – or not – they really think their god is.

    BTW – your link for the Christian extremist group isn't working. You may want to check it (and delete this part of the comment when you're done).

  2. I remember lots of hoopla over Ouija boards when I was a kid. Satanism and demon possession were big in the 70s, thanks to Linda Blair and The Exorcist. If religion is so good for people, why are so many religiobots so afraid of everything that doesn't have a Jesus stamp on it? It makes one wonder how powerful – or not – they really think their god is.

  3. The way they're reading it, they're not supposed to mess with spirits, so it's not that their god is weak, but rather he's a dick who'll let you suffer if you disobey him. That's how it all works, doesn't it? Do X or else.

  4. I think the assumption that little girls will be attracted to sugary pink rather than good ol' Goth black is erroneous. Does that bubble-gum bible have pictures of Strawberry Shortcake or My Little Pony acting out the gruesome scenes from the Old Testament?

    The little blurb on the Ouija box is insidious, though: Ask the Questions Girls Want to Know.
    Now, to be fair, Hasbro has to make a blue version for boys. It should have the caption: What Do Women Want?

  5. I had many a sunday school teacher telling horror stories about Ouija boards when I was growing up. It's totally harmless though, to think that I was being told that there were bloody fingerprints appearing on the ceiling and ghosts scratching at the door when they were playing it, I'm not sure, perhaps it was the ACID those sunday school teachers were on and not the Ouija board, lol!!! Harmless, but with a little imagination I can see how it could be spooky, the monster in the closet kind of spooky, not the "I just took a hit of freaky acid" spooky horror stories that the teachers in sunday school were saying though. I got to believe that girls go for this kind of thing more than guys do, it's essentially just an alphabet and a magnifying glass, but hey, perhaps my computer keyboard is evil too if I just make a loop between my thumb and my forefinger, LMAO.

    <a href="http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7683685832721004954&ei=RjRuS5n_H6SgqQOSneSxBg&q=Ouija+Board&hl=en#">Girls Playing Ouija

    Hmmm, I wonder what that would be look like if they were about 18 years old, high, and naked?

  6. It comes with questions, assuming that girls today are too stupid to think of anything to ask on their own. As far as pink and blue versions, haven't we moved past this yet? There are boys who would prefer the pink one.

    Now if Hasbro or anyone made something which answered the question "what do women want", they'd be rich, and perhaps win a Nobel prize.

  7. or that such a device could be mass produced by Hasbro

    I made that same argument to a woman I once knew who claimed to be a psychic, with regard to tarot cards. I was like "But they're plastic and made in a factory! So where do their magic powers come from?"

  8. I don't know what's more ridiculous, the idea that there are ghosts, the idea that a device could be made to commune with these ghosts, or that such a device could be mass produced by Hasbro.

    I also find it amusing that a ghost would be motivated to tell a couple of kids with a Ouija board that they're cool.

  9. Poker cards are plastic and made in a factory, but where does the fun come from? You can't manufacture fun, lol. Amazing trick those manufacturers are capable of. Ditto with evil, however the problem I have with this is that evil actually can be mass produced. Just look at religion.

  10. Not that all religion can be defined as evil or anything like that. In fact, the onus of choice is on the consumer about what filth they choose to fill their minds with. As for me and my house, we will master science, business, and technology.

  11. This is the thing that bugs me about "moderate" Christians. Sure, mostly the fire-and-brimstone crowd get all hot and bothered about crap like this. But doesn't general Christian theology depend critically on angels, demons, evil spirits, and the like? Without the aid of Archangel Michael, Jehovah wouldn't even have been able to get Mary knocked up. (It was some sort of divine erectile dysfunction, I think. The text isn't really clear on that point).

  12. Yeah, first it's hot pink oujia boards and bibles, then it's lady bits

  13. I had no idea they change color over time, but not all start off pink so what a racist product! It reminds me of the Bloom County strip when the black kid was looking for a flesh color crayon.

  14. mmmmoooof

  15. [...] Pretty In Pink [...]

  16. or that such a device could be mass produced by Hasbro

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