Handicapped

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I rode home yesterday sitting next to a handicapped guy, because in a way, I’m handicapped, too. You see, at the front of the train there are two benches facing one another set much further apart than the rest of the benches to make room for the needs of the handicapped meant to sit there. For the guy next to me, it was to make room for his wheelchair for the legs he doesn’t have. For me, it was to make room for the legs I do have. There simply is no room elsewhere, unless I sit sideways, to fit my long legs into the “regular” people seats which are spaced just far enough for an average Japanese person to sit comfortably (I think it was the Japanese who made the train). They generally range between 5′ and 5’5″, whereas I’m 6’6″.

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Now across from me there was another handicapped man, although what his affliction was, I have no idea. Anyway, these two would exchange comments from time to time. At first. it was pretty ordinary and a bit depressing, but then it turned. You see, suddenly it went all god, god, god. It seems that whenever you encounter people who, for the moment or for the rest of the foreseeable future, life is shitty, there almost always is god, god, god. That’s the way it goes, and history is filled with that and it’s still very much true today. The poor, the downtrodden, gravely wounded and ill, those on death’s doorstop, in danger, frustrated or simply unhappy mostly turn to some external thing to take their minds off of it all, to comfort and perhaps distract them. The whole god, god, god thing is REALLY good at that, but I digress…

There was all this talk about how it’s important to love god, god, god and be thankful to god, god, god, and how they’re blessed everyday by god, god, god. It’s like a mantra that I think people have to believe in to take their minds off of how much things here in reality suck. Oh, and of course they had backstories of hard living, and wild, bad, and illegal behavior too, so naturally their handicaps were somehow punishments for those “sins”. I mean, what else makes sense, right? They lived bad lives so they were punished. They now live what they believe to be good lives so that they won’t be punished anymore, will one day get a cookie, or both. So now each is on “the straight and narrow” and “right with god” so that when that day comes, they KNOW they’ll be going to the happy funland known as heaven where cripples run free like the wind (and perhaps giants find comfy, giant sized seats).

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Now I suppose the sound of my retching got to them, so they asked me if I was “right with the lord”. “Which one would that be,” I asked. “God” the legged one said. “There’s only one” said the legless one. “I’m afraid there are many more to choose from than just one. That goes for gods and lords, btw” I said. Well that didn’t go over very well, provoking some scripture quoting and my favorite line from the legless one, “you’d better get right with the LORD or he’ll fuck you up.” “Oh I had a lord like that once, but I broke up with her. I don’t care how hot a crazy bitch may be, crazy is still crazy” I replied. “You’re going to hell” was the legless reply, quickly followed by a “mmm hmmm” and “you better wise up and right you-self” from the legged one, who now was holding his bible more as a magical talisman to ward off whatever it was he feared I might be giving off. “Well not right now I’m not” I said. “I’m getting off here” and with that, thankfully, the train rolled in to my station and I got off.

The really cheap shot though was one of them yelling behind me, “you’d better start praying for those Chiefs!” Pricks.

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19 Responses to “Handicapped”

  1. lol! I wish I could think of those kind of remarks in the moment. Even if I do, I never quite have the courage to say them. :)

  2. You should have told those legless people that if they had enough money then they could actually buy mechanical legs instead of constantly complaining about how pathetic their lives are. Actually, mechanical legs can be a significant advantage over non-mechanical legs, same with mechanical arms, some people would actually cut their big legs off to replace them with something like this….Aimee Mullins and her 12 pairs of legs

  3. Sometimes they come, and sometimes they don't, but it's a pretty rare event when I don't use them when they come. After all, that would be wasteful, wouldn't it?

  4. I ride the bus to work, and I overhear a lot of conversations like that. Some people seem to be barely hanging on to a thread in life, and their church and faith seems to be all that keeps them "straight." Sometimes several of the religious a riding together and an intense "holy roller" atmosphere starts to build. Almost feels like a concert vibe, but with Jesus instead of Clapton and Winwood. I guess I can see the appeal, though I'd rather drink a few and smoke a few and see an awesome show where I'm "possessed by the spirit…" Oh, yeah!

  5. Of course praying would be ridiculous. But do make sure you don't barbecue any chicken.

  6. What? Is chicken right up there with canned French String Beans on your list of taboo foods?

  7. Pretty much. I rarely ever hold back, why have opinions if you're not brave enough to express them? I agree with others that these people would rather feel sorry for themselves than metaphorically get off their asses and do something to make their lives better. It's easier to point fingers and whine, it's another to overcome life's obstacles and actually live.

  8. Well with these two, the problem was thinking that somehow they got what they deserved for behaving in a way the big, bad sky daddy doesn't approve of. That's just nuts. It might very well be true that they're handicapped today due to poor behavior in their past. For instance, maybe legless got that way from diabetes brought on from being an alcoholic or perhaps as a drunk, he fell asleep on the train tracks. I don't know, but thinking it's from pissing off a god? Nuts

  9. That's what Christianity is, the belief that you're slime and can never do anything right and therefore have to throw yourself on the mercy of an imaginary man in the sky. The whole belief is absurd, but I guess it's fractally absurd, no matter what resolution you look at it, it's still ridiculous.

  10. Although still absurd, I have less of problem with beliefs like karma, where you figure the shit you receive is due to some past shit you did. I think part of the reason is there's no authority there, so it's not due to disobeying some supernatural crankypants and you can't impose your nonsense on others by way of citing this bogus authority.

    Also Cephus, what you describe is the AA philosophy, which is why I think that's crap, too.

  11. The really cheap shot though was one of them yelling behind me, “you’d better start praying for those Chiefs!” Pricks.

    Ha!

  12. When I was a youngster, folks used to tell me "you'll come to god one day – when you need him". I don't know how many times I heard some variant of that one over many years. Today there was a comment left for me on my channel "Now that you're 56 and will be dying before long, I'm sure you'll be begging Jesus on your deathbed". LOL! They rig everything so you can't prove them wrong. I didn't bother replying.

    And I *am* about ready to pray for the Chiefs. If the Packers weren't sucking, I'd give it serious thought.

  13. Normally I just assume they're immature, but yours sounds like they actually are young. So at 56 you're going to be dying before long, huh?

    The Chiefs have been mismanaged for a LONG time. Decent coaches have managed to keep things going but at the top, the GM they had for nearly 20 years sucked, concerned more with just putting asses in seats than winning championships. This is the first year of a new GM, with a new coach, and even the owner is sorta new (Lamar Hunt, founder of the AFL and original owner of the Chiefs, died a little over a year ago and now his son has taken the reigns). So right now wins aren't necessarily the most important thing. What's important is cleaning house and establishing a solid foundation upon which you can build an eventual champion AND have an organization which consistently contends like New England, Indianapolis, and even Philadelphia.

    I am doubtful over Cassel though.

  14. I don’t care how hot a crazy bitch may be, crazy is still crazy.

    QFT. Great stuff, thanks for sharing!

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  18. They are nature gifting strugglers that they are never feeling the sadness after watching us the complete human beings. We should also pass them a good smile whenever we are facing a handicapped person for encouraging them.

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