A miracle, huh?

So when your clumsy tot manages to jam a car key into his brain and emergency crews helicopter him to a medical unit where doctors surgically remove it so that no damage is caused to his brain and later you hear he also won’t suffer any damage to his eye, who do you thank? “[I]t was a miracle from the Lord”.

What kind of sick fuck of a god jams a key into a kid’s eye just to have a moment later after everyone’s been properly terrified and a kid made to suffer to have a little “miracle”? Are you kidding me? What, is he sitting around thinking he’s gotta do something to remind people how awesome he is and decides, “I know, I’ll jam a key into some tot’s brain, but make sure he doesn’t have any permanent damage. Yeah, that’s the ticket!”?

So let’s thank the emergency crews, the whole 911 system, the helicopter crew, and of course the surgeons at the hospital, ok? Lord? Miracle? Please.

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10 Responses to “A miracle, huh?”

  1. Don’t be silly – god wouldn’t do that to someone. It was obviously Satan who stuck the keys in the kid’s face and the miracle was that god managed to stop it from being too bad.

    If only he had been a little more omnipotent the whole thing could have been prevented.

  2. That whole omniscience thing doesn’t play out, does it? First you have the rebellion. Didn’t see that coming. Then the apple kerfuffle. Didn’t see that coming. Then there’s the inability to follow his strict ass laws, so he had to sacrifice himself to himself to give everyone a pass on them (and while he was at it, take the people who previously couldn’t live up to the old rules and have been suffering in hell for centuries out of there). Oops. Now he can’t even foresee a kid jamming a key into his eye. Not so omniscient, or else if he is, then he isn’t all good, or perhaps he’s both but not omnipotent, so he’s powerless to stop these things he knows will happen.

    So he’s good, powerful and a bit clueless, or he’s powerful, all knowing but a bit of a dick, or he’s good, all knowing and powerless to stop some things… or maybe he’s just make-believe.

  3. It’s another one of those stupid “God saved me!” moments that completely discounts the work of the ambulance drivers, paramedics, doctors, nurses and modern medical technology, without which the brat would have dropped dead.

    Would they have blamed that on God?

  4. Bet the kid lost IQ points though. God made the kid dumber, and that truly is a miracle because God only likes dumb people because they’re easier to cornhole in the brain.

  5. So he’s good, powerful and a bit clueless, or he’s powerful, all knowing but a bit of a dick, or he’s good, all knowing and powerless to stop some things

    I’ve never heard it put quite that way before, but I like it. :)

  6. Occam’s Razor says shit happens.

    That’s the best damn explanation for life’s little idiosyncrasies and catastrophes there is, and it’s easy to understand, requires no mega-churches or tithing, nor any convoluted pretzel logic, and then permits humans to jump on each and every one of them in the best way they know how (which gets better and better every year due to, you guessed it, science).

    For having simple minds, sometimes these people are attracted to the most complicated explanations. What’s with that?

  7. God placed the ambulance drivers, paramedics, doctors, nurses and modern medical technology. We have free will. God did not place that in to his eye the kid did. Thank God that all those people were there to take care of him. And what if those doctors were christains, or at least one, and they prayed…

  8. How do you reconcile “we have free will” with “God placed the ambulance drivers, paramedics, doctors, nurses and modern medical technology”? Either we have free will or we don’t. You can’t have both. Furthermore, you can’t have free will and answered prayer. Once again, you can’t have it both ways. Either he intervenes or he doesn’t. If he doesn’t, then you’re wasting your time praying. If he does, then there’s a laundry list of things for which we can ask why he didn’t intervene for them.

    Christian logic is a ridiculous house of cards, ridiculous because it doesn’t actually stand up. Christians say he’s all good, all powerful and all knowing yet when faced with the problem of evil, we get the excuse of free will which explains away both his responsibility and ability to intervene against evil. When faced with a story like in this post, we hear their god intervened to do good. Huh? Christians notoriously say whatever is necessary to answer a question in one narrow instance with no thought to the big picture, which is why when you put all of those narrow instance answers together, they form a big steamy pile of contradictions, to which you may get another stupid response like “he’s beyond logic”.

  9. I guess that I did not choose my words wisely. God my have led that paramedic or doctor into that field, he did not place him or them there. We do have free will to follow or choose not to follow when led to do something. You may have been called to do something and choose not to do what was asked. I too may have missed somethings. I do want to go on record to say that I am not attacking anyone’s belief here. It is your free will as a person to have your own opinion. My opinion is I found it to be silly that anyone would think that God would have put those keys into that kids head. Due to what I believe about the God of The Bible . I did not try to bash anyone here (I hope that I did not). I did not come here to say that what you believe is wrong. But what if The Bible is right!?! There are a lot of hard to swallow things in The Bible, I will agree. But there is also a lot of things in this world that is hard to swallow. Just keep an open mind and I will try and do the same. I don’t want to see anyone go to hell, not saying that anyone here is. That is between that person and God. I know some will say “I don’t believe in god.” Well God believes in you. Another pitch, I know can’t help it.
    Lets say that The Bible is correct for just a moment. Has anyone here kept The Ten Commandment. Anyone who has broken yet just one of them has fallen short and is doomed to hell. Yet God loved us that he sent His Son to take our sins. All we have to do is believe and except him. I know that its hard to do. I struggled with that for a long time. I don’t know how to explain it, but the feeling I get when I hear of Calvary and the cross is amazing. I know that last sentence is going to get torn up here. But it is a gut feeling and I believe it. If what I wrote is true don’t you want that gift of life for eternity. If this does not affect you, then I am sorry that I wasted your time, but I hope that I planted a seed of salvation to someone here. May God bless everyone who reads this whether you believe or not. I hope good will to everyone here. And thanks for reading. I probably gave more ammo than I did anything else here, but I felt led to write this. Just remember I did not attack anyone here. Please comment on what I have said I may learn something, but attacking will not do any good. I am open to hear the thoughts of others.

  10. “But what if The Bible is right!?!”

    But what if the Koran is right, or the Veda, or the book of Mormon, or Dianetics? Whether you know it or not, you’re using Pascal’s wager, which has at least 2 fatal flaws:
    1. It assumes there’s only one religion
    2. It assumes you can will yourself to believe
    I’d also add that it implies a 3rd, that feigning belief would suffice.

    “I don’t want to see anyone go to hell”

    Then you’re more moral than the god you believe in, and that sentiment shows your morals don’t come from the Bible, for if they did, you would delight in your god’s “wisdom” and “justice” exhibited by his declaration that failure to acknowledge and worship him means hell.

    As for the keys, the assertion that your god stuck them in the kid’s eye was sarcastic, since there’s no god anyway, but if you believe in the Christian god then you also believe he knows all, which means that he’s always known since the dawn of time that one day this child would exist and that he’d shove a pair of keys in his eye, and apparently he’s been cool with that, along with some other stuff a lot worse.

    You’re whole belief system boils down to some powerful being who brings beings into existence for some sort of test to prove that they can follow directions and if they can’t, they’ll be tortured for eternity, but here’s the kicker – he knew before he created them how they’d do in their tests since he’s all-knowing. That means he created countless beings knowing in advance they’d be tortured for eternity. Nice.

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