Dude, you’re like, THIS close…


This is great, some priest has written a book called God is Big, Real Big, and in it, he says Jesus was not the infamous Abrahamic god, Mary wasn’t a virgin and Joseph was in fact the baby daddy.

“This whole matter regarding Jesus being God … not only does violence to my own intelligence, but must be a sticking point,” he says.
“For millions of people trying to make some kind of sense of the Christian religion … No human being can ever be God, and Jesus was a human being. It is as simple as that.”

Dude, you’re like soooo close. Come on, take that last step. You can do it. Relax, deep breath, and let go. Ahhhh. I’m telling you, you’ll feel a whole lot better. Talk about violence to your intelligence, the problem of evil, Biblical contradictions, free will AND personal god conundrum, the very concept of there even being a god of any kind, all that’s fine but a god having a son which magically pops out of a virgin’s womb? Oh no, THAT’s crazy. Yeah, well once you finally take that last step, we’re here for you pal.

Now of course this whole questioning shit, especially big shit like what he’s saying, really irks the other priests. I especially like this Father Robbie guy who said:

“The Council of Nicaea settled the question that Christ was God in 325, so he is 1700 years out of date.”

Yes, some guys 1700 years ago decided (well actually, compelled to by Constantine) that certain books were getting into the Christian bible and some weren’t, establishing finally what the whole Christianity thing was going to be like. Hey, sure, they gave it all careful thought, and finally they decided what would be more marketable and went with that, especially since they had competition not just from other religions, but another clever guy who had already done the same thing almost 200 years prior, compiling various books into one, unified Christian handbook. Marcion formulated quite a different version, and his version was pretty popular, so it was critical that the Catholic church get their shit together and put out a cohesive and higher quality product.

So there you go, this priest Peter Dresser is clearly wrong about Jesus, Mary and Joseph because a Catholic marketing meeting 1700 years ago decided those ideas weren’t very marketable. Yup. Talk about violence to one’s intelligence. Yikes!

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12 Responses to “Dude, you’re like, THIS close…”

  1. I think you should have titled this, “Missed it by that much”! (Still with fingers slightly spread).

    We have to accept it, my friend. Some will never completely give up the ghost.

  2. Look at it this way, Philly. The priest knocked 1/3 of the Trinity of its pedestal this year. Maybe he’ll go the rest of the way next year.

  3. My guess is that by this time next year, that priest will no longer be a priest, and not by choice.

    500 years ago he would have been burned at the stake.

  4. He can always start his own religion. Perhaps he can use Jefferson’s Bible. I’d prefer it if he just finish what he started. 1/3 the way there? Balls, I forgot all about Casper. Big Daddy, Jr. and Casper.

    I’m not big on Get Smart. I never watched the old show and I haven’t seen the new movie.

  5. I haven’t seen the new movie either. But you know enough to get my TV show reference.

  6. I meant the thought to use that reference wouldn’t have come to mind but yes, I know the reference.

  7. Funny… my last stop on the skeptic train to atheism was entertaining similarly radical ideas.

    It’s a lot like Daniel Dennett saying how people tell themselves they believe all sorts of weird ideas so that they can still say “I believe in God” with a straight face.

  8. These series of tactical retreats ignore the fact that the war is lost. It simply makes no sense to be critical of some parts and not others and if you do that, what’s your criteria for separating the parts? You have Christians willing to acknowledge things like the Tower of Babel being a parable, a story to convey an idea, but then they accept the Jewish exodus when there’s yet to be any evidence to support it.

    I think this also explains those who have their own personal versions of Christianity (like what’s-his-name from awhile ago who’s controlled by aliens) where they strip away the most absurd and harp on how organized religion corrupts the “truth”, but it’s the same futile effort. Even those who simply claim they just follow the teachings of Jesus are doing the same thing, simply holding on as best that can to something they know is silly to believe. Hell, even Jefferson did this. Go check out his Bible.

  9. Nice! The whole “divine inspiration” was really just some clever marketing scheme. lol! Hmmmm, they really could have sexed Jesus up a little more though, and why don’t Bibles contain any original artist conceptions or schematics of what Jesus was supposed to look like?

    Hmmmm, did people not draw pictures in those days or something? What, just cuniform words, no chiseling out diagrams of Noah’s Ark or the Covenant? Didn’t people (supposedly the egyptian slaves that escaped of all things) realize a big picture says a thousand small pictures? No graven images like on the walls of the pyramids of the sun god or the half-wolf thing?

  10. Phillycheif, I’m just going unload some speculation here:

    If anybody knows what heaven looks like, it ought to be the drugged out ancients who spent their entire lives slaving for the Pharoah. Are there any pictures of “heaven” that don’t look like purple haze? Maybe heaven is socialism, the desire to steal all of Pharoah’s (slave profit) gold and distribute the vast wealth among the citizens equally. Eh, surely there must be a pyramid scheme that works though.

  11. Capitalism depends on pyramid schemes, whereas socialism depends on an influx of money. If everybody is equal, then territorial or resource expansion is the next step in order to increase the “commonwealth” of the people. Christianity teaches expansion too, the whole “spread out to the ends of the Earth” shpeil. That is mainly because God does not provide money, as economic perpetual motion theory would have you believe.

  12. Actually, it was taboo early on to depict Jesus and then when they started, it was a stylized ByzantineJesus icon. That lasted for some time (also, proof that these people have no creativity, that fucked up eye was repeated as well, and I don’t think it has any meaning, it’s just that people mindlessly copied what came before).

    Even into the Renaissance you had this, with the Italians opting to depicting him as divine, so for instance a crucifixion scene looks like he’s just hanging out (notice how casual the onlookers are). Although there were some Italians who tried to depict his humanity like Crivelli, it was really the Northern Europeans who instead went heavily to depicting him as more human and “real”, like Grunewald.

    As far as heaven, if it’s socialist, then it’s like Animal Farm, where clearly some are more equal than others. The purple haze thing is pretty silly. Is that really what you’d want to walk around in for the rest of eternity? 5 minutes in a smokey club and I want to go home. Now maybe if there was a killer light show, and Dio came out to perform and battle a dragon, maybe it would be sorta cool, but even that would get old. (Btw, I was at that show in Philadelphia)

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