Goodbye Oldie Porn

Members of the Christ Church Anglican (depicted above) held a very special service Sunday. You see, they had a good ol’ fashioned burning. Not books though, but something they hate even more. Porn. It turns out they found an old stash of porn films in a theater they just purchased and you know what that means. Oh yes, time for a burnin’. You betcha.


Goodbye oldie porn
Though I never knew you at all
sadly now no one will
thanks to minds that are small
They’re blinded by a faith
that makes them ignorant dicks
Now you’re just dust and ashes
and gone are all those flicks

And it seems to me you’ve been set alight
because some think you’re a sin
Never knowing all the pleasures
within all your scenes
And I would have liked to have watched you
it would have been a thrill
Your celluloid burned up long before
Your legend ever will

Ignorance is tough
The toughest thing we face today
We pay a heavy price for it
And fire was the price you paid
Even in this day and age
Oh they still must destroy you
For they can’t allow to exist
A bunch of films full of nudes

Goodbye oldie porn
From some guy up north named Philly
Who sees you as something more than evil
More than just damnable and filthy

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12 Responses to “Goodbye Oldie Porn”

  1. You’re just not right. :)

  2. That was – *sniff* – beautiful, man. I think I need a tissue.

    FOR MY EYES, DAMMIT!

  3. He should have had you writing his lyrics for him instead of that… uh… other guy.

  4. Never fear! The shaman of the group said they were going to show family movies, probably G rated films, which should put the theater out of business within a year. Ya just can’t make a living showing the same three films over and over every week.

  5. Pastor: That’s what the conservatives always tell me

    Yunshui: Well feel free to rub some out any time here. I MEAN TEARS, DAMMIT!

    Infinity: Well I certainly could use the cash. Do you have Sir Elton’s number? Perhaps he’ll wear a headdress when he performs my version (only I hope not with the Donald Duck costume).

    Grumpy: Well that can’t bring back all those reels of 70s porn. Not as much shaving back then though, and the guys were pretty funny looking with those big mustaches. Say….

  6. To think I EVER questioned your talents!

    Yeah, what is it with these violent tendencies that Christians so often have towards things that offend their sensibilities? You KNOW they would much rather burn the porn star than the films.

  7. Well if Elton John doesn’t want to make a recording with my lyrics, it’s all yours

  8. FYI – I just got my first hit from a google search of “oldie porn”. LOL!

  9. The reel reason the pastor wants to burn the films: he’s in them. With men. And no women.

  10. I hope they were incinerated in an environmentally friendly fashion.

    If it was an old porn theatre they might want to make sure that the upholstery gets a good clean too :)

    On a serious note, that’s wholesale destruction of film history. Valuable information about the making and distribution of pornography has been lost.

    But then that is they way with these types, burn everything you don’y agree with, thank goodness they have stopped burning people, at least in the west.

  11. Sean beat me with this thought: I hope they were incinerated in an environmentally friendly fashion.

    I can’t imagine what toxins all of that burning film must have released into the air. Who knows what is inside the lungs of those people now? But, their hearts and loins are pure.

  12. i think that they kept some copies:)

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