Google Prose

Author: PhillyChief
16 Mar

I gave in to the Exterminator’s urging to register with hittail so I can find out what people google to get to my blog. Why? Because it makes great material for constructing poems. Well just to throw a curve, I’ll use the results to construct prose (search terms in bold):

What to say at a christian funeral, you ask? Well I’d rather mention what not to say. For instance, do not use the event to show off your insult compendium or poo poo all the christian bullshit or there will be blood my friend. Do not tell stories that start “while I was fucking my sister…” or “while I was fucking while driving…”. Sharing obscure facts about oneself can be ok, but within reason. No one cares if you masturbate with salami, enjoy Lite Brite, that you’ve found activia good for anal sex or whatever cures for anal leakage or Montezuma revenge medications work best for you and by all means don’t tell anyone “I fuck my christian wife in front of others” for funerals are not the place to recruit new voyeurs. Just keep it to small talk like mentioning how good the south philadelphia spaghetti gravy is at eat shit fuck face Italian restaurant or how your day sailing on angel boats went. You can even mention how you went to hemline university of law but try not to make it sound like you’re bragging. Afterwards there will most likely be a meal, nothing of course like a Florida fuck feast but regardless you must be gracious and not say, “I don’t like that shit“. Also remember that some things are not appropriate to bring up while people eat like asking, “why do dogs shit where they sleep?” Afterwards, don’t try distributing any atheist flyers or funny squirrel fucking videos or copies of Persian style now magazine. Now I’m sorry if you wanted me to provide you with something cute 2 say like some naughty phrases in russian or how to say please suck me in Italian but I thought it best to warn you about what not to say and do. Oh and before I forget, never say to anyone, “let me fuck your dog“.

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» 14 Comments

14 Responses to “Google Prose”

  1. AphroditeRising, on March 16th, 2008 at 3:19 pm Said:

    Hilarious! I’ve got to figure out how to do this hittail stuff. Very creative. I laughed out loud.

  2. The Exterminator, on March 16th, 2008 at 4:40 pm Said:

    I see that you and I have the same type of bozos finding our blogs. I’m envious about “I fuck my christian wife in front of others” and “eat shit fuck face Italian restaurant.” I can’t imagine what someone could really be looking for by keying in “Florida fuck feast,” but I’ll bet he or she was disappointed to find an atheist rant as the result.

    Great, entertaining post.

  3. PhillyChief, on March 16th, 2008 at 4:50 pm Said:

    I’m guessing the service isn’t that great at eat shit fuck face Italian restaurant.

    I never would have guessed you or I Ex have websites which would attract horny people. Who knew?

  4. the chaplain, on March 16th, 2008 at 6:50 pm Said:

    You apparently attract some very strange visitors here. Since I come by so regularly, I don’t consider myself a visitor. Is that rationale sufficient to distinguish myself from the weirdos that find you?

  5. Lifeguard, on March 16th, 2008 at 7:43 pm Said:

    Chappy:

    No, we’re not “visitors,” but that might make us even weirder. We keep coming back!!

  6. PhillyChief, on March 16th, 2008 at 11:00 pm Said:

    Well I think Lifeguard answered that better than I.

  7. John Evo, on March 17th, 2008 at 1:55 am Said:

    Here’s googl-oetry from searches that brought people to my blog

    Evolution man
    Evolution woman
    Proud, brave man
    Handsome, witty man
    Evolution

    Finding a man of thought
    Living only by reason
    Evolution
    Never accepting religion
    Laughter at superstition
    Evolution

    Philadelphia Exterminator
    Spanish Lifeguard
    Ordinary Chaplain
    Goddamned Lion
    Evolution is a fact
    Evolutionary Poetry Man

    I seem to have a different level of reader than Philly does. It’s kind of, uh, unbelievable…

  8. PhillyChief, on March 17th, 2008 at 9:16 am Said:

    How on Earth did someone find YOUR blog googling “handsome witty man”? :) ~

  9. the chaplain, on March 17th, 2008 at 6:08 pm Said:

    Evo: ROFLMAOPIMP!

  10. Spanish Inquisitor, on March 18th, 2008 at 12:21 pm Said:

    I know you were wondering, so let’s make this perfectly clear. I have NEVER found my way to your site via Google. I already know where it is, and I click on my bookmarks. So stop lookin’ at me like that, fuck face.

  11. PhillyChief, on March 18th, 2008 at 12:33 pm Said:

    Zhri govno i zdohni!

  12. Spanish Inquisitor, on March 18th, 2008 at 12:50 pm Said:

    OK. I’ll bite.

  13. Spanish Inquisitor, on March 18th, 2008 at 12:51 pm Said:

    Never mind, I’ll go eat shit and die.

  14. PhillyChief, on March 18th, 2008 at 1:12 pm Said:

    The power of google. It was either that or something about having dirty shoes. I still don’t know how someone came here by searching for Russian phrases.

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